A friend responded to my last newsletter to tell me about her Oyster Day. She spent it treating herself to a new pair of eyeglasses. ‘New glasses,’ I thought. ‘The better to see silver linings with.’ I, too, bought new glasses recently. I didn’t think of it as an act of self-care at the time, but my friend’s outlook changed that.
We can all use a friend to reframe our perception of the world now and then. Though, reframing a previously held belief doesn’t have to mean he or she is right, and I’m wrong—or vice versa. To quote Taylor Swift: “Both of these things can be true.”
Take 2020, for example.
Yes, we’ve flipped the calendar—and many of us are feeling hopeful—but we’re still mourning a “lost” year. Both of these things can be true: feeling hopeful while mourning.
Take silver linings. Indeed, you have to experience a storm to even know to look for the silver lining. Both of these things can be true: experiencing stress or trauma and believing there’s a greater purpose.
It can be exhausting to maintain a positive outlook sometimes. It takes work. Optimism is a conscious, relentless choice to not let storms keep you down.
When I had an office job, I used to keep a sticky note on my computer monitor that said: “Setbacks are part of life. Comebacks are too.” Then, a dear friend turned it into the piece of art you see above.
Optimism is a conscious, relentless choice to not let storms keep you down.
Now, I’m not saying 2020 was our setback and 2021 is our comeback; that one year is ‘bad’ and another is ‘good.’ Neither a new calendar, nor a new American president, can instantly conjure a new normal. That notion creates exceptionally high expectations—and encourages an external locus of control. *looks directly at the camera*
What does conjure a new normal? Micro-steps.
A single gesture of kindness, repeated as often as possible.
A single act of self-care, repeated as often as possible.
A single Oyster Day, repeated as often as possible.
A single goal or intention, worked towards as consistently as possible.
Optimism forms step by step; by reframing a situation—and seeing through others’ eyes. Through experiencing setbacks and garnering energy for comebacks. Through acknowledging opposing forces exist at the same time—and knowing that, while both of them can be true, you choose to do the work and see the bright side.
Supplemental reading: ICYMI—my thoughts on reading as an act of self-care, planning an Oyster Day, setting intentions for the year ahead, and thriving in winter.
What’s your next micro-step?